যাবৎ জনম মোর, অপরাধে হৈনু ভোর,
নিষ্কপটে না ভজিনু তোমা ।
তথাপি তুমি সে গতি, না ছাড়িহ প্রাণপতি!
আমা সম নাহিক অধমা ॥ ৩৪ ॥
yābat janama mora, aparādhe hainu bhora,
niṣkapaṭe nā bhajinu tomā |
tathāpi tumi se gati, nā chāḍiha prāṇapati!
āmā sama nāhika adhamā || 34 ||
For my entire life I have been engrossed in committing offenses; I have not sincerely worshipped you. Still, you are my refuge. O Lord of my life, do not abandon me! There is no one as worthless as I.
Sincere Bhajana
Sudhā-Kaṇikā-Vyākhyā: The intensity of Śrīla Ṭhākura Mahāśaya’s humility has gradually increased. Considering himself as extremely offensive, lowly and devoid of bhajana-sādhana, he says, yābat janama mora, aparādhe hainu bhora, niṣkapaṭe nā bhajinu tomā. “For my entire life I have been engrossed in committing offenses; I have not sincerely worshipped you.” Though being the embodiment of prema, Śrīla Ṭhākura Mahāśaya has given through this outpouring of humility all the instructions which are most beneficial for the sādhaka, like a medicine that restores life. In the progressive life of bhajana, there are many kinds of obstacles on the path of obtaining prema. Among them all, aparādha (offense) is the most powerful. In Śrī Caitanya-Caritāmṛta Ādi 8.26-30, we see the following:
eka kṛṣṇa-nāme kare sarba-pāpa nāśa |
premera kāraṇa bhakti karena prakāśa ||
premera udaye haya premera bikāra |
sveda-kampa-pulakādi gadgadāśrudhāra ||
anāyāse bhaba-kṣaya, kṛṣṇera sebana |
eka kṛṣṇa-nāmera phale pāi eta dhana ||
hena kṛṣṇa-nāma yadi laya bahubāra |
tabe yadi prema nahe, nahe aśrudhāra ||
tabe jāni aparādha tāhāte pracura |
kṛṣṇa-nāma bīja tāhe nā haya aṅkura ||
“Simply by chanting one name of Kṛṣṇa, all sins are destroyed and bhakti, the cause of prema, becomes revealed. At the appearance of prema, various transformations of prema, such as perspiration, trembling, goosebumps, faltering voice, tears and so on occur. One’s worldly existence is easily finished and one obtains Śrī Kṛṣṇa’s sevā. We get such a great treasure as the result of chanting just one name of Kṛṣṇa. If one chants kṛṣṇa-nāma repeatedly but neither prema nor tears appear, then we can understand the person has committed many offenses. The seed of kṛṣṇa-nāma does not sprout in that person.”
In the growing of a sprout, if a potent, well-nourished seed is dropped into the ground and gets rained upon, it germinates. If it is then carefully guarded, watered and so on, at the appropriate time the fruit will be produced. In the same way, after planting the seed of kṛṣṇa-nāma in the field of one’s heart, if one sprinkles it with the water of hearing, chanting and so on, a sprout of the creeper of devotion will grow, and at the proper time, the flower of bhāva and the fruit of prema will inevitably follow. But if that seed is deposited upon a stone, there is no possibility of it ever germinating. The heart and mind of an aparādhī are also like stone, whereupon the seed of bhakti, understood as the Holy Name, has no possibility of sprouting. For this reason, careful thought about aparādha is so important in the Vaiṣṇava Sampradāya.
Immediately after the verses of Śrī Caitanya-Caritāmṛta that were previously quoted, the following is written: caitanya-nityānande nāhi esaba-bicāra, nāma laite prema dena, bahe aśrudhāra. “In Śrī Caitanya and Śrī Nityānanda, there is no such consideration. They give prema to one who chants the Holy Names, and tears flow from his eyes.” By this statement, it can be understood that in Śrī Caitanyadeva and Śrīman Nityānanda, there is no consideration of aparādha. If even an offender simply chants the Holy Names, they give him prema. Still, in Śrīman Mahāprabhu’s Navadvīpa-līlā, some critical students, atheists and others had spoken ill of him, so he accepted sannyāsa, not seeing any other way of giving prema to such offenders. After Prabhu took sannyāsa, the critical people then bowed down at his lotus feet and their offenses were removed. Because he was then able to give them prema, this pastime has been described in Śrī Caitanya-Caritāmṛta. Moreover, because Gopāla Cāpāla had been offensive toward Śrīvāsa, Prabhu arranged for Śrīvāsa to forgive his offense and then he gave prema to him. It has also been described that after Prabhu mentioned that even his own mother had made some offense to Śrī Advaitācārya, she took the dust from Advaita’s feet and then Prabhu gave her prema. Therefore, it is not that Śrī Caitanya and Nityānanda don’t consider offenses, it is rather that they don’t make any judgement about who deserves or doesn’t deserve the gift of prema. It should be understood that after destroying the offenses of critical people, they also gave prema to them. By these deliberations, the gravity of aparādha, the most powerful impediment to bhakti-sādhanā, has been established. Śrīla Ṭhākura Mahāśaya says, yābat janama mora, aparādhe hainu bhora. “I have behaved offensively since birth and have sunk into the mud of aparādha. Or, I have been overwhelmed by aparādha, meaning while constantly committing offenses, I have lost the intellect or power for being cautious regarding those offenses.” As much as we continue to cry out ‘aparādha aparādha,’ to that degree we are consequently unable to be attentive regarding offenses. Or, as the result of committing an offense, we become depressed, indeed stupefied. A sādhaka seeking auspiciousness must endeavor with great care to constantly perform offenseless bhajana, having given up in every way the great impediments which are nāmāparādha, sevāparādha and so on. Otherwise, because of offenses, the attempt to obtain prema, the true fruit of bhajana, will be foredoomed to failure.
Then he says, niṣkapaṭe nā bhajinu tomā. “I have not worshiped you sincerely.” Filled with humility, Śrīla Narottama Ṭhākura Mahāśaya is in his own words giving a very valuable instruction to the society of sādhakas: niṣkapaṭe nā bhajinu tomā. Some of the dictionary meanings of the word kapaṭa are ‘illusion, having one mood internally and another externally, deceit, cunning, cheating, swindling’ and so on. After giving up one’s affinity for māyā and being devoid of any other desires, if one performs bhajana in the consciousness of his own svarūpa, it is called niṣkapaṭa, free from deceit or fraud. Because of the sādhaka’s absorption in the body and things related, various kinds of desires for profit, adoration, distinction and so on awaken in his citta (heart, mind) at the time of bhajana. This is also one of māyā’s deceptions by which one’s bhagavad-bhajana cannot be filled with niṣkapaṭa or sincerity. If one pays homage to Śrī Guru, the Vaiṣṇavas and Śrī Bhagavān externally but has no such faith and devotion in his heart, such deceit will prevent his pursuit of bhakti. In Śrī Bhakti-Sandarbha, Śrīmat Jīva Gosvāmipāda has declared this deceitful mentality to be the result of an old offense to a great soul. Even with bhakti or bhajana characterized by residence in the dhāma and the association of great souls, if this deceit is not removed, it becomes dangerous like a disease that is difficult to cure. As a result of this, various kinds of deception, cunning, crookedness and so on get displayed toward Śrī Guru, the Vaiṣṇavas and Bhagavān. Though such people whose citta has been defiled by deceit may pretend externally to perform bhajana, as long as that deceit has not been removed by association with powerful devotees or by their mercy, no hope for sincere bhajana remains. After taking shelter at the feet of Śrī Guru, the Vaiṣṇavas and Śrī Bhagavān, those who perform bhajana with an innocent heart are blessed with their compassion and receive the great fortune of sincere bhajana. Therefore, Śrīla Ṭhākura Mahāśaya says, tathāpi tumi se gati, nā chāḍiha prāṇapati! āmā sama nāhika adhamā. “Although I am unable to sincerely give up everything, surrender to you and earnestly worship you with an innocent heart, still you are my only refuge. Although, in truth, I am your servant and you are my eternal master, by the deception of your powerful external māyā-śakti, I have been indifferent to your lotus feet since beginningless time. And though I have become habituated to being attached to this body and things related to it, my servant-master relationship with you has not been destroyed. Truly, you are my only refuge and shall remain so forever. Therefore, O Lord of my life, though I have fallen under the delusion of your māyā, have abandoned your lotus feet and desire other things, please do not abandon your eternal servant. No one is as lowly, worthless and in all respects unqualified as I. Because you are the savior of the lowly, and I am indeed the lowest of all, please attract this wretched person with your wonderful qualities and give him a place at your lotus feet, which free one from all fear.” The import of this discussion is that if the sādhaka who has taken refuge at Śrī Bhagavān’s lotus feet offers his prayers at those feet with humility and anguish, by Bhagavān’s mercy, he can be blessed with the great fortune of sincere bhajana.
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