दुकूलं बिभ्राणामथ कुचतटे कञ्चुकपटं
प्रसादं स्वामिन्याः स्वकरतलदत्तं प्रणयतः ।
स्थितां नित्यं पार्श्वे विविधपरिचर्यैकचतुरां
किशोरीमात्मानं किमिह सुकुमारीं नु कलये ॥ ५३ ॥
dukūlaṁ bibhrāṇām atha kuca-taṭe kañcuka-paṭaṁ
prasādaṁ svāminyāḥ svakaratala-dattaṁ praṇayataḥ |
sthitāṁ nityaṁ pārśve vividha-paricaryaika-caturāṁ
kiśorīm ātmānaṁ kim iha sukumārīṁ nu kalaye || 53 ||
“Shall I now think of myself in the form of a delicate adolescent girl, expert in various kinds of service and always at Śrī Rādhā’s side? I will wear a prasādī silken dress and bodice given to me with affection by her.”
The Awakening of the True Self
Rasa-Varṣiṇī-Vyākhyā: Out of humility, Śrīpāda considers himself to be an ajāta-ruci-sādhaka (one who has not yet developed ruci or taste). The state of being a sādhaka is very relishable. Sādhana-bhakti is similar to prema-bhakti. Even the nitya-parikaras desire to taste sādhana-rasa. Śrī Bhagavān himself wants the bhaktas to enjoy sādhana-rasa. He said to Śrī Līlāśuka, sādhakābeśe bṛndābana bāse ye ki ānanda, tāhā tomāya bhoga karāiba. “I will let you experience the joy of living as a devoted sādhaka in Śrī Vṛndāvana.” In sādhaka-consciousness, Śrīpāda’s heart melted from his yearning to be with his cherished deity. He thinks, “Śrī Rādhā is hidden deeply within the scriptures. How shall I ever find her?” Still, one must not abandon hope; hope is an ocean of nectar. Even when one realizes his lack of qualification, hope sustains him. He feels he will surely attain her. uddhava-dāsa āśa kare herāite, sakhī-saha yugala-kiśora. “Uddhava Dāsa gazes hopefully at Śrī Yugala-Kiśora and their friends.” Śrīpāda prayed again and again. Prayer opens the door to the deity’s compassion. The prayer of a rāga-sādhaka is born from his svarūpa; therefore, prayer is so very sweet. Śrīpāda thinks to himself, “Even though Śrī Rādhā is hidden in the śāstras, if I can perceive myself as her devoted maidservant, then surely I will receive her mercy. aham ātmānaṁ sukumārīṁ kiśorīṁ nu kalaye kim. “Shall I consider myself a beautiful adolescent girl?” What a sweet desire! This aspiration fills the entire life of a Gauḍīya Vaiṣṇava. I want to awaken my svarūpa. Absorption in the body is an impediment for a jīva like me. My svarūpa is asleep. I cannot perceive myself as Śrī Rādhā’s dāsī. “I am Rādhā’s dāsī” is such a pleasant thought. By merely remembering one’s svarūpa, one’s heart fills with tenderness and sweetness. Śrīmat Jīva Gosvāmipāda said, astu tāvad bhajana-prayāsaḥ kevala-tādṛśatvābhimānenāpi siddhir bhavati (Bhakti-Sandarbhaḥ 304 Anuḥ). “If one simply identifies with his svarūpa, even if he performs no bhajana, he becomes spiritually fulfilled.” Jīvas like me who identify with the temporary body and things related are mad. I cannot perceive my own true self. Śrī Gurudeva gave me knowledge of rādhā-dāsyam, but that never crosses my mind. Other than by remembering one’s svarūpa, there is no way to soothe the soul. sakhīra anugā haiyā, braje siddha-deha pāiyā, sei bhābe juḍābe parāṇī (Prema-Bhakti-Candrikā 48). “Become a follower of Śrī Rādhā’s girlfriends and obtain your spiritual form in Vraja. In this way, your heart will be cooled.”
ātmānaṁ cintayet tatra tāsāṁ madhye manoramām |
rūpa-yauvana-sampannāṁ kiśorīṁ pramadā-kṛtim ||
sakhīnāṁ saṅginī-rūpām ātmānaṁ vāsanā-mayīm |
ājñā-sevā-parāṁ tat-tat-kṛpālaṅkāra-bhūṣitām ||
“The rāga-sādhaka shall contemplate himself as a beautiful young cowherd maiden among Śrī Kṛṣṇa’s gopikā lovers. Śrī Rūpa Mañjarī, Śrī Rati Mañjarī and Śrī Rādhā’s other kiṅkarīs are her companions. She is adorned with the ornament of their mercy and is devoted to following their instructions in her sevā of Śrī Rādhā-Mādhava.” (Sanat-Kumāra Saṁhitā)
śrī-rūpa-mañjarī sāra, śrī-rati-mañjarī āra,
labaṅga-mañjarī mañjulālī |
śrī-rasa-mañjarī saṅge, kasturikā-ādi raṅge,
prema-sebā kare kutuhalī ||
e-sabāra anugā haiyā, prema-sebā niba cāñā,
iṅgite bujhiba saba kāje |
rūpe guṇe ḍagamagī, sadā haba anurāgī,
basati kariba sakhī-mājhe ||
“Led by Śrī Rūpa Mañjarī, the maidservants Śrī Rati Mañjarī, Lavaṅga Mañjarī, Mañjulālī Mañjarī, Rasa Mañjarī, Kastūrikā Mañjarī and others perform prema-sevā with great delight. Being a follower of them all, I will ask for and receive such prema-sevā. I will understand all of my duties through their subtle hints and gestures. Overwhelmed by their beauty and qualities, I will be forever devoted to them and reside among their sakhīs.” (Prema-Bhakti-Candrikā 52-53)
The meaning of the word cintayet in the above-mentioned śloka is that the sādhaka will perceive himself in a particular form with a nature, qualities and so on similar to those of Śrī Rādhā’s nitya-siddha-mañjarīs. He will nurture this self-concept by thinking, “I am a kiśorī possessing such a nature, form and so on.” The sādhakas who have entered the path of jñāna-sādhana, which discriminates between the self and non-self, always think, “I am not the body, I am not the senses, I am not the mind. I am the transcendental, eternally pure cid-ānanda-svarūpa-ātman. In the same way, the Gauḍīya-Vaiṣṇava sādhakas think, “I am neither the body nor the senses, nor anything related. I am the maidservant of gopa-kiśorī Śrī Rādhā, who is endowed with beauty, charm and other divine qualities.” As a result of such deep contemplation on the self, the sādhaka quickly gives up his sense of identity with the gross body and so on and attains svarūpa-siddhi (realization of one’s true nature). Support for this conclusion is also found in the śruti:
naiva strī na pumān eṣa na caivāyaṁ napuṁsakaḥ |
yad yac charīram ādatte tena tena sa vakṣyate ||
“The jīva’s eternally pure nature is spiritual. In it, there is no distinction between female, male or neuter. It acquires a body according to the predominant bhāva in its heart.” kiśorīm ātmānaṁ kim iha sukumārīṁ nu kalaye. “Shall I now consider myself a beautiful adolescent girl?” This is the essential teaching of this verse.
In the latter part of the verse, Śrīpāda describes how he will think of himself in the form of a delicate gopa-kiśorī. “I will meditate on myself in the form of an adolescent girl wearing a prasādī dress and bodice given to me personally by Śrī Rādhā. Being satisfied with my sevā, she lovingly gave me all these clothes and ornaments.” All of love-filled Śrīmatī Rādhāraṇī’s clothes and ornaments are also filled with love. If one simply thinks about those prasādī clothes and ornaments, prema will be infused within his withered heart. In Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam 11.6.46, Śrīla Uddhava Mahāśaya described the glory of Śrī Kṛṣṇa’s prasāda:
tvayopabhukta-srag-gandha-vāso’laṅkāra-carcitāḥ |
ucchiṣṭa-bhojino dāsās tava māyāṁ jayema hi ||
“O Bhagavān! By adorning ourselves with your prasādī garlands, sandalwood paste, clothing, ornaments and so on, and by eating your leftover foods, we, your servants, will triumph over your māyā.” All this pertains to aiśvarya-bhāva, the fruit of which is the defeat of māyā. But in the kingdom of mādhurya, rasa is the fruit. Within the prasādī clothes and ornaments given by Śrī Rādhā lies a charming realization of the sweetness of Śrī Yugala’s pastimes, along with a feeling for her affection and compassion. The kiṅkarīs feel blessed to get the sweet mercy of Śrī Yugala’s bodily fragrance. In Śrī-Vṛndāvana-Mahimāmṛtam 8.31, Śrīpāda has written, preṣṭha-dvandva-prasāda-srag-vastra-bhūṣādi-mohinīm, meaning, “Śrī Rādhā’s kiṅkarīs have become very beautiful by wearing their beloved Śrī Yugala’s prasādī clothes, ornaments and so on.” Pleased by the kiṅkarī’s sevā, Svāminī has lovingly given her the prasādī articles with her own hands. Lovingly (praṇaya-bhare) means feeling two hearts to be as one.
Śrī Rādhā waited anxiously in the bower for her absent lover, as though on the verge of death. When the kiṅkarī saw her īśvarī’s condition, she rescued her by cleverly bringing Kṛṣṇa from her rival’s bower. Svāminī was most satisfied by the kiṅkarī’s sevā. She must give her some kind of reward. Filled with affection, she pulled the dāsī to her chest and gave her a kiss, then adorned her with a prasādī shawl and garland. A stream of compassion flowed from her lotus eyes upon the dāsī. The topic of this rasa as a reward is never even considered elsewhere (meaning in the abode of aiśvarya).
Moreover, Śrīpāda said, sthitāṁ nityaṁ pārśve vividha-paricaryaika-caturām. “Shall I consider myself a beautiful adolescent girl, expert in various kinds of sevā, and always by her side?” When one becomes absorbed in his svarūpa, he realizes that he is close to his cherished deity. Śrī Rādhā’s dāsī is devoted to her service. Her nature and form are shaped by the nectar of sevā. Without sevā, one has no knowledge of his svarūpa. A dāsī always wants to be nearby her svāminī to perform service. The literal meaning of upāsanā (worship) is to remain nearby. The contemplation of one’s svarūpa is always connected with closeness to Śrī Yugala, performance of sevā and relishing Śrī Yugala’s sweetness. Śrīla Ṭhākura Mahāśaya wrote in his Prārthanā:
hari hari āra ki emana daśā haba |
chāḍiyā puruṣa deha, kabe bā prakṛti haba, duhuṁ aṅge candana parāba ||
ṭāniyā bāṁdhiba cūḍā, naba-guñjā-hāre beḍā, nānā-phule gāṁthi diba hāra |
pīta-basana aṅge, parāiba sakhī-saṅge, badane tāmbūla diba āra ||
duhuṁ rūpa manohārī, heriba nayana bhari, nīlāmbare rāi sājāiyā |
naba-ratna jari āni, bāṁdhiba bicitra beṇī, tāhe diba mālatī gāṁthiyā ||
“Hari Hari! Will I ever attain such a state? When will I give up this male body and attain my natural form? I will adorn both you and Rādhā with sandalwood paste, then tie your hair into a crown and encircle it with a garland of new guñjā seeds. I will string garlands of colorful flowers and place them around both your necks. Alongside your sakhīs, I will dress you in a yellow cloth and place tāmbūla in your mouths. I will fill my eyes with your beautiful forms. O Rādhā, after dressing you in blue clothing, I will bring nine kinds of jewels strung on threads of gold, then weave them and a garland of jasmine blooms into your lustrous braid.”
Because the kiṅkarīs are devoted to sevā, they cannot leave Śrī Rādhā’s lotus feet for even a moment. Śrīpāda has written the following in Vṛndāvana-Mahimāmṛtam 8.22-23:
kṣaṇaṁ caraṇa-vicchedāc chrīśvaryāḥ prāṇa-hāriṇīm |
padāravinda-saṁlagnatayaivāhar-niśaṁ sthitām ||
bahunā kiṁ svakāntena krīḍantyāpi latā-gṛhe |
paryaṅkādhiṣṭhāpitāṁ vā vastrair vācchāditāṁ kvacit ||
“If Śrī Rādhā’s maidservants are away from their īśvarī’s lotus feet for even a moment, their lives begin to fade. Therefore, they remain close to those feet day and night. What more can I say? When Śrī Rādhā sports with her lover in the vine-covered bower, she keeps her dear kiṅkarī on the pleasure bed, hidden by a cloth.” In other words, even Īśvarī cannot bear their separation. paricaryaika caturām—Śrī Rādhā’s kiṅkarīs are expert in various kinds of yugala-sevā.
śrīśvarī-śikṣitāśeṣa-kalā-kauśala-śālinīm |
śrīśvarī-dṛṣṭi-vāg-ādi-sarveṅgita-vicakṣaṇām |
(Vṛndāvana-Mahimāmṛtam 8.30, 32)
Śrī Rādhāraṇī personally instructs them in the various kinds of service. Therefore, these girls are most knowledgeable about the countless fine arts they employ. By Svāminī’s mercy, they can understand her eye movements, manner of speaking and all kinds of gestures. Even the curtains of Śrī Yugala’s minds open before these girls; nothing remains hidden. Thus, this sevā comes from their hearts. No one understands heartfelt service like Śrī Rādhā’s dāsīs.
Śrīpāda says, “When will I see myself as a maidservant of Śrī Rādhā? By the mercy of Śrī Guru, I have obtained knowledge of my form as one of Rādhā’s dāsīs. When will I give up the illusion of identifying the self with the body and identify fully with my svarūpa?” The primary objective of a Gauḍīya Vaiṣṇava is to become Śrī Rādhā’s dāsī. Like the Pole Star, the sādhaka’s gaze must always remain fixed on this goal. One in whose heart a deep yearning for Rādhāraṇī has awakened is most fortunate. By residing in Vraja in the association of rasika-bhaktas and worshiping līlā-rasa, the sādhaka will be able to know himself as a maidservant of Śrī Rādhā. Therefore, Śrīla Ṭhākura Mahāśaya has said,
rasika bhakata saṅge, rahiba piriti raṅge,
braja-pure basati kariyā ||
“I will live in Vrajapura with the rasika-bhaktas in the joy of love.” (Prema-Bhakti-Candrikā 98)
